Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
