Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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