One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
