Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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