just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
