Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
