how can u be prego again
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
