Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
two words...techno handjob
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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