You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
