if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
