do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
