Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
