i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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