New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
