Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Houston, we have a squirter
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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