Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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