Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
