you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I currently don't understand fingers.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
