Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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