plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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