My cat gives me a boner
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
