i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You don't make any sense
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