i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
