omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Randomize
