got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
