we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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