some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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