No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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