I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize