She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
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