the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
