not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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