I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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