It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
