So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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