On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
