i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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