i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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