Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
