I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize