Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
