oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize