I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
