I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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