the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
