i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
