Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
