I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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