Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize