please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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