This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
