she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
