The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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