Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We just shotgunned beers for America
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
