Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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