Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
