Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
