she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
