Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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