actually, I'm a sock model
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
