The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
