Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
my shit smells like andre
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
