My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
