the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
