im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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