My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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