I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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