New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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