I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
