Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
