I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
