Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
