so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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