I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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