Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
