Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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