O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
