i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
