first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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