My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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