Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
