Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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