I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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