Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Randomize
