They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
