dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
